We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
