Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
