only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
