I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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