just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
