I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
