I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Text me some of your sweat
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
