We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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