It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
