i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
