i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
