Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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