Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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