Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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