Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
