butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
