So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
