we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize