we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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