I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
