my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
