My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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