Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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