gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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