im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
