Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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