Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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