oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
