..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
