My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
