Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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