just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize