I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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