in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
