Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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