hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
