My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
