somebody snuck up and got me drunk
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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