he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize