Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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