He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
