Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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