How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
