We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
