if you like me you must not know who I am
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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