we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
