Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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