Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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