Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize