glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize