I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
