Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
