They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
