We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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