I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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