I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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