Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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