Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
