If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
