I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
