Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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