You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
