Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
