It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
