I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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