Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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