dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
