wat bout pragnant strippers??
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
